The title to this post is from The Spanish Train an old Chris De Burgh song and to some extent mirrors my feelings tonight. It is often said by Christians that "the Lord never gives you more than you can handle". Well I just wish that he did not have such confidence in my abilities or such high expectations.
The reasons for these musings is that this weekend my daughter told me that she is separating from her spouse and moving out with our 2 year old granddaughter. While we had suspicions that she has not been happy for awhile and we were concerned about her spouse' treatment of her, she never gave us a clear indication that there were very serious problems. Now of course we told her that we support her and in fact I discussed with her for the first time, a very small portion of my marriage to her mother suggesting that if I had acted quickly and in the best interests of both her and her brother, much of the pain I caused them might have been avoided and for that matter the pain I caused everyone around me, my family, my friends and my clients. I explained to her that I didn't act when I knew there were problems to severe to fix and in doing so I lost myself, and that she must for her sake and the sake of her daughter act only in their best interests without considering, the thoughts of others or the fear of stepping into the unknown and she must above all not be too proud to ask for help or to accept it when it is offered.
Now it could be said that this type of thing happens all the time and I am personalizing it and to some extent that might be true, however dear reader as I hope I have shown here the effects of depression and specifically my depression spread like ripples on a pond moving outward over the years and bouncing back as they reach their initial limits and as such I must try to protect my daughter even now from the effects that my earlier fall may have today.
So to paraphrase the song, the devil still cheats and wins more souls and I am still doing my best...
