To paraphrase that great personal motivator, Buzz Lightyear, "to university and beyond". I had now past the trials of high school and was moving on to university, the plan was coming together but despite my work to get out of high school early my parents decided I was too young to go immediately on to university so I was going to be sent to my Aunt's in England to work for about a year. I know, what a punishment, your hearts bleed for me, being sent to a foreign country to travel and work for a year. You are right not exactly a huge sacrifice or example of parental abuse but it interfered with the plan and believe it or not I did not want to go, but that didn't matter so off I went to England.
I arrived at my Aunt's and as per instructions immediately was sent out to look for employment and amazingly enough obtained a job as a barman at a local pub. All and all I did my time, enjoyed it, made some friends that I have to this day, saw a little of the world, and then returned home now ready to go back to University. However, before that, one summer to get through and a friend to make that while I have lost touch with him over the years still stands as one of my best friends and whose antics still bring fond memories of this time of my life and in a small way played a part in the events that would change my life for the better while at the same time prove to bring about some of the biggest regrets of my life.
After returning home, it was back to the cottage and out to see what had changed in the better part of a year. Some things I knew about, as indicated, Chrystal was now a mother of a young son and living out of town, so I was on my own and went out to the local disco and ran into some female cousins and their friend from the city, Rob.
Now Rob was a different kind of guy, he was probably the sleaziest, chauvinistic, kind, outgoing, generous, crazy person that you could ever meet. We hit it off immediately. When I said he was sleazy and chauvinistic I meant it, yet at the same time he treated every woman I was to ever see him with with a general attitude of love and respect, the problems arose in that he always found them easily replaceable, I could never really reconcile these two things, he could pick up any girl and make her feel like a queen and mean it, then dispose of them without a second thought.
After this first meeting Rob and I hung out constantly, getting into trouble, chasing women and generally being guys. After the summer he had been offered a job in the city that I lived in so he moved there and I started university and we continued our rampage of discos and bars on an almost nightly basis, after all it was the 70's. Now you may think that since I had finally gotten to university and supposedly driven to be a lawyer, that this type of behaviour is contrary to my stated goals, and you would be right but that is the point, Roy and his demented demeanor got me to at least participate in life, something to a large extent I have avoided thus far except with some notable exceptions.
It was during this time I met Karen at the University, actually Rob and I had gone to a university residence party and while there I met Karen. She was attractive but not the most beautiful women in the room but there was something about Karen. She was about 5-6 years older than I was and had returned to school to study archeology as she had worked on an dig in Egypt the year before. She was blonde and about five foot nothing with a quiet strength and self assurance that literally shone from her. We talked and laughed and eventually ended back in her room, as I started to essentially make my move she stopped me and said "first nighters are generally one nighters".......I promptly asked her out for the next night much to her amusement. At this point dear reader, although unheard at the time there undoubtedly was another click as another part of my future fell into place and events set into motion that would again change my life.
For the next year we dated, she was an amazing and passionate person that was totally self assured, knowing what she wanted professionally, physically, intellectually and sexually. Needless to say it was, for the better part of a year both an enlightening and instructive time. Then it happened...
One night as we were lying in bed about 8 months into the relationship Karen told me she was pregnant and before I could react or say anything she told me I had two choices, I could make her have the child but only if I stayed around to help her raise the baby or she could get an abortion. You know you might think that after everything I have said prior to this point that the decision would have been easy and I would have been quick to take the option removing the so called problem, but the fact is much to my surprise that was not the case. I in fact tried to figure out a way we could do it. When I suggested this the look on her face was one of terror, as usual I was thinking of my plan not hers and when that became apparent the decision became clear and I went to the doctors with her and sat with her in the recovery room afterwords, we never spoke about it again and few months later she was chosen to go on another dig and while we would always be friends and connected in ways that I did not appreciate at the time, we parted, leaving me with what I always came to view as the biggest regret of my life. Unfortunately it was not to be the only one that I would acquire in my pursuant of the plan.
After this Rob and I threw ourselves back into the 70's , generally going to the bar at night to party all the while during the day I was moving on with the plan. Given the new three semester system at the university I had figured out a way to get my three year BA in two years, it would entail going to school year round with little break in between but it would allow me to make up my lost year in England. So basically I was living at home as the university was in my home town, working my butt off all day and partying with Rob most nights. Then on one of these nights out with Rob, I met Robin, in hindsight dear reader I believe I actually heard the click as another part of my future became locked in.
Robin again was a beauty, totally out of my league, a few years older than I , five foot two, green eyes, petite and to give you an idea, she always reminded me of Natalie Wood, and in fact looked much like her. She was quick to smile and laugh and had a class and style that was far beyond her years. One funny thing though, with her classic, conserative demeanor and style, her natural gate or walk was a strut, like a headlining stripper on her way to the pole. It was really quite sexy to watch, this classic beauty oozing such sexuality in her walk. It used to bug her but she couldn't stop it, you could always spot her walking in a crowd, a butterfly among bumblebees.
After this we were inseparable, even Rob allowed her to intrude into our friendship and accepted her like one of the guys. While she may have been one of the guys to Rob, our relationship was literally like a soppy movie. Drives in the country, days at amusement parks, nights of passion and belonging, but still the plan loomed.
We continued through school and despite my best efforts in some ways it resembled high school, the gift of gab allowed me to look smarter than I was and while my marks were again solidly in the middle I was the one asked to be leader for various professor sponsored projects and I was the one that others came to for help. To this day I have never figured this out as it was not something I sought or encouraged, in alot of cases I was just trying to make it through myself especially after the stresses of two years of non stop school started to get to me.
It was during this period that Robin said she loved me, this was still something I had a problem with, even Karen hadn't said she loved me. I remember the night and my silence and the look on her face. I remember explaining to her in some ways my fear, the plan and how I wasn't sure I could love her with this road ahead of me. She accepted this with a smile, that knowing smile that I swear is genetically specific to women.
We continued on and it was only her that got me through at times until we graduated. It would appear that the events to come would be clear but unfortunately as always with the plan nothing is that clear or easy. Due to the nature of the semester system we graduated about 6 or 7 months prior to admissions for any law school, so while I applied we both got jobs and worked, We were not living together, as at this point I was sharing an apartment with a Teaching Assistant named Abe, a character in this drama that I would come to regret.
I had not had a word from any law school admission offices and despite public perception I was not the shoo in everyone thought so I applied to the top ten law schools in the United Kingdom, after all if I got turned down at least I could say I was rejected by the best. Much to my surprise I was accepted by two of the top five, one of which happened to be in the same city as my Aunt in England. Rob at this point had gone back to college and being a bit of a math wiz raced through a commercial welding course and upon graduation got a job with the nuclear power authority in a neighbouring town, not to scare you but he lied about his experience on his application and his first job was checking welds on nuclear generators. Funny but very scary, I later learned that over the years he was so good at his job he travelled the world as a consultant.
As I had not heard from local schools I accepted the English one figuring I could always cancel or come back if necessary. The problem was that this meant leaving Robin, and as pathetic as it sounds, it was alright with me as the plan was the thing and nothing could interfere with that. I knew I would miss her but the sadness and regret that I knew I should have had was not there, something that perhaps writing this blog will help me understand.
About a month before I was to leave Robin came to the little restaurant where I was working as a bartender/waiter and told me that she was coming to England with me, no discussion, no permission being asked, she was simply coming with me. Dear reader I hope the depth of love and the willingness to sacrifice for that love is obvious to you here. Unfortunately at the time it wasn't to me. Same person, same problem in retrospect, because I couldn't understand how someone could love me especially that much either I didn't believe it or couldn't understand it. I see now of course that this love, like Chrystal's love was something to be cherished, I only wish I had seen it at the time.
I left in September and Robin joined me in October in England as I entered what I believed was the final phase of the plan.
